Why not just do it?
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There are things I want to do, but don't. I literally can't. I think it may be an inhibition of control over my executive functions, but I've never been diagnosed, so what do I actually know. I do know that I've always had problems with getting started. Over the years I have relaxed a little and am not completely annoyed by it anymore. I came to realise that some things need the right time to happen. And this right time might come, or it might not. But there are also things that I should do in a timely fashion. Like housework. E.g. not vacuuming for a number of weeks is not especially preferable, don't you think? *sigh*
But this is not what I want to talk about. I recently read Joel's I wanna do it but then I don't, and also talked to him a bit about it. I especially referenced the 2-sentence journal he mentions in his post. I do have a beautiful 5-year journal by Japanese journal brand Hobonichi. These things are expensive, but with their simple design, wonderful paper, and extremely beautiful covers (here's mine), they are just a joy to look at and use. If you're actually using them that is. When I got mine a few years back I was still in the middle of my journaling and stationery phase. I knew that this phase could end anytime, but I still wanted to commit to this 5-year journal. Because it did not require anything but a single word, or a sentence or two a day. Easy, right?
For the first few weeks it kinda was. I picked up a differently inked fountain pen every day and wrote a few general, and not too personal sentences. Sometimes I had to catch up a few days, but that was ok. But then the stretches I had to catch up on got longer and longer, until I stopped catching up, until I stopped writing in it entirely. And so this beautiful, expensive journal sat unused for months, which turned into years. It's still sitting like that. I have taken it out and added a few things here and there. But for the most part it is empty. Every couple of weeks I think I should pick it up again. Why not today? Why not right now? But I don't.
Joel writes: "Committment [sic!] is kind of difficult. Even for something that should be easy like writing two sentences in a journal [...]"
Isn't that weird? Why is that so? I have no answer to that. At least not a scientific, or proven one. But I did think about it for me and my case: Why do I not pick up my journal again? Here are the reasons I came up with:
- There are so many gaps already, so much empty space, it will be a sad empty journal no matter what.
- My life is too boring.
- I won't be able to pull it through anyway, so why bother.
- I'd have to clean and ink my fountain pens first, that I didn't use for months, because of course I gave myself the rule to only use fountain pens in that journal.
Big facepalm! Because of course these are such stupid reasons for not using my journal again. LOL Let's have a closer look:
- Not adding anything will not make it any more beautiful. This journal is there to be used. So use it!
- No it's not. And even if, the mundane is what is truly special!
- I can't pull it through if I don't try.
- They are my rules, and I can always change them. There is no journal police. Perfect is the enemy of done, idiot! (I have to add though, that this is a point I have managed to overcome earlier this year, when I did journal for a week or so in spring. Of course I had forgotten all about it in the meantime. 🤦♀️)
The funniest bit is that these are all things I'd say to anyone else. Why is it so hard to follow your own advice?
While typing all this I've had an idea: I will, right now, pick a pen, open the journal to today's page, and write something down. -- And here's the proof. Half of what I wrote is nonsense and I hate it. LOL But it's done, and that's what counts. Fun fact: I do not usually journal in English.
So, will I keep it up now? Maybe even fill in some gaps? Who knows. But at least I wrote something for today. And that's better than not having written anything.
- Elena.
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